I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
