I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
