There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize