she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
