this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in