I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.