Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.