You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
