Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am naked and annoyed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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