Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
