I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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