I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
