My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
