Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
