Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
