I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
