never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize