PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
