my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
