He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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