Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
