I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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