A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
