Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
