come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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