is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
