I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
