all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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