i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
