Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
