I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
