Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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