You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.