why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
