But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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