I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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