that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
