Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
