Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
