Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
