dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
