Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
