I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
