Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
