so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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