so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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