Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
