They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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