My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
