he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He passed out mid-signature
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
