when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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