One girl and one boy is just not enough.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The feeling are messing with the penis
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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