nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
