I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
