I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
