Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
