R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
