I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
